I know that there aren't that many of you who will see this, and that's okay. I think I just need to get this off my chest. I'm going through a bit of a crisis at the moment, and I don't really know how to get myself out of it. I'm an actress, have I ever told you all that? Well I am, well . . . I'm a drama major if that's even the same thing. And I have an opportunity on Sunday that I don't know if I should take it or not. Lots of people go to grad school . . . but I don't think I'm one of them, but there's this school . . . the University of London's Central Schol for Speech and Drama and they're having auditions on Sunday for us North Easterners in the US for their Classical Acting masters. I've always wanted to live abroad for a while and this would get me there. But I don't know if I want to study my years away in London, I'd rather live them! But this masters program could open so many doors.

And then I've been having second thoughts concerning my carreer path. I know I can sing well, I seem to get cast in muscials and accepted into choirs, but I'm beginning to get the feeling that my acting or the package that my acting and singing comes in is not adaquate. I audition for things here at school, occasionally get called back, but never cast. Is it truly that my acting is so horrendous? Or maybe that I don't look like any of the parts they've cast. And do I really want to make a carreer of people judging me everyday? I know I'm entertaining to some degree or else my friends would have left me a long time ago, but does my worth lay in whether I can entertain an anonymous audience for a living?

That's where writing comes in. I love to write. I don't just write fanfiction either, I write original stuff too(as exhibited by the creepy teddy bear story in my gallery, haha). And recently I've latched onto an idea for a novel that I really think would be enjoyable to an eduacated wide age-range audience. But I don't know the first thing about getting published! Not one thing. Only that I have to send part of the manuscript around to dozens of publishers, hoping one of them will bite. And when I try to picture myself doing something with my life, I can see myself sitting at home with a cat at my feet, typing away on my PC. But am I good enough? My fanfiction tells me no, but a creative writing class I took tells me yes. I never thought about really posting any of my original stuff on here, but maybe I should, get a few opinions. But ultimately I'm NOT asking you all what I should do, no, no I could never do that. This is a decision I have to make on my own. But I just want to throw this thought out there into space and let it set for a while. If any of you have read this (I know most of you just tossed this away into the trash bin, and that's okay) I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to my campaign of crazy. Call it an early mid-life crisis. Haha.